2006 to Present

<< January 2003-August 2005

 
2006
After being released from the hospital I assumed that I would ride professionally again. That was all I thought about, and I did not consider any other options. While attending rehab I worked on my bike so that it would be ready once I was. That spring I attended outpatient rehab several times weekly. First at the KC Rehabilitation Institute, and then at Truman Medical Center downtown and at at a friend's rehab center in the Waldo neighborhood of Kansas City. In May I went back to work for my friend Bob at SB Productions, where I would gradually resume my freelance video production work.

Cleared by my doctors in June, I immediately began trying to ride. Quickly returning to the professional ranks turned out to be a fantasy and after progressing back to jumping rampsimage I spent about a month more trying tricks but nothing was coming back. Well, no big tricks at least. I did get Heel Clickers back which led to me writing an article for Dirt Rider Magazine about my recovery process. However, the muscle memory and previously innate abilities needed to jump off my bike and execute my big tricks had been lost. Frustrated and demoralized, I sold my bike. I was depressed and for the next few months my life would be in a holding pattern while I tried to figure out what I wanted to do. I eventually decided to go back to school and put 100% of my resources into continuing the career I had started in media production.

 
During my hospital stay and subsequent recovery, I got to witness first-hand the benefits of having a close and supportive network of colleagues, sponsors,image and fans. My FMX peers provided me with overwhelming support, and with the help of my family everyone rallied to raise money to assist with my expenses. To this day, I still think about how selfless all of my friends and fans were during that time, and I don't know how I could ever sufficiently repay their kindness.

 

 

A day of riding in 2011. Old gear, an old bike, and a pretty basic trick, I was pumped to be riding again. 2010-2011
A few years later while on summer break from school, I acquired another bike and tried giving FMX another shot. I spent a few months riding a couple times a week and I had some success. That time around I got back to doing a few big tricks and I was beginning to feel like I was within reach of riding in professional FMX shows again. Then midway through the summer I crashed hard, thrashed my bike, broke some fingers, and got frustrated. Once again I was letting myself down. I took some time off, fixed the bike, and resumed riding the next spring. I would quickly return to doing a few big tricks again, only to crash hard and bang up my shoulder.

After those two years of painfully realizing that I just don't have "it" anymore, I concluded that I need to wean myself off the unattainable desire to be good at riding again. I just have to accept that with my injuries I have probably lost much of my coordination and quickness, and the physical demands required for riding Freestyle Motocross at a professional level are now out of my reach.

I kept the bike around for another couple summers, riding occassionally (but not doing much FMX) and giving personal FMX lessons every once in a while. I want to stay close to a sport I have always loved, but it has been tough when the FMX industry is shrinking and all my former colleagues live so far away. This past fall I sold my bike to a friend of mine, and while cleaning my closet for an upcoming move I reluctantly sold all my gear to some guy off Craigslist.

 

 

Summer 2015
Sure, I have had my shortcomings but I have better things to do than to be preoccupied with what could have been with my FMX career. However, approaching the ten year mark of my crash has me thinking about that period of my life more than usual, and that is what motivated me to put many of those thoughts into this memoir. My crash prompted me continue my education and start on a different path, and it gave me a reason to forge a new routine. Something permanant. It forced me to grow up, think ahead, and appreciate what is really important. Life is short and so incredibly fragile. It could have been even shorter for me.

I suppose that I am wistful for that time because it provided me with many great friends that I now seldom cross paths with, a perspective of the countryside that I rarely see, and a ton of great memories that are now only relived over drinks with friends. Almost every day I would like to chat with my former colleagues, however Facebook must suffice as I only regularly communicate with a couple of them. I miss the comradery and teamwork involved in the production of our events. From the travel to the after parties, from practice sessions to showtime, the good times and the bad, I miss that lifestyle and all that came with it. I still want to feel like I jump dirt bikes for a living, even though I have not ridden in an event in ten years and now have no desire to ride seriously again. My loyalty to those memories is maybe some sort of anachronism and I need to correct my mental clock. Perhaps I should forget that period of my life in order to make room for new experiences; maybe if I spend my life romanticizing the past, I'll miss the opportunity to fall in love with the present. I only lived that lifestyle for three years, but because it was such an impressionable time of my life the overwhelmingly positive experiences I had during those years are a permanent influence on my ethos.